I, Err, She Quits!

My favorite cousin asked me a favor to craft an angsty resignation letter. Her stay at her office has been mired with unsavory experiences. After more than two years of being blinded by corporate politics, she finally had the guts to walk away. Here's the unabridged version of the letter:

It is a long time coming, indeed!

Here I am finally submitting my resignation letter. Let the charlatans and the morons rejoice! I really hate to go as I believe there is much to do in this office that I will be leaving behind, like transforming douchebags into real and respected professionals. But that will be gone with the wind right now as the company refuses for a change and keeps on hiring incompetent and pathetic individuals devoid of morals and forward-looking attitude.

It still is a mystery to me why I am cast as an antagonist in this company. I consider it an unintelligently knee-jerk reaction exhibited by people with an iota of intelligent quotient. I did nothing but to save the ugly facade of this office - doing my job functions religiously sans the wheeling and dealings. Thus, for me to be vilified is beyond my sane comprehension. To the administration: it behooves you at least to desist the moral attacks thrown against me. But you were unperturbed, insensitive and blindly let the tirades be carried on. What are you people?

Despite the office being populated with morons, it is with great relief that there is one person who happens to be on my wavelength. Dr. _________: I thank you for believing in me. Your presence kept me sane and inhibited me from joining the circus of deranged employees.

So, I am cutting the chase: I hereby tender my irrevocable resignation effective on the 20th of April 2011. I hate to go but seeing office politics getting ugly is something not to be relish and cherish for eternity.


So long!

- Favorite Cousin

She thought the letter was a wee bit harsh but she had a good laugh at it. I corrected her that it was rightfully ruthless after all the injustices thrown at her. As politically correct as always as she is, she altered all of the offensive terms. She sighed: Enough with being vile! I quit in despair.

Oxymoron, eh?